Domestic Abuse and Mental Health

Domestic abuse can have severe and lasting effects on a person’s mental health. The consistent and often traumatic experiences associated with domestic abuse can have a significant impact on your emotional wellbeing, as well as sometimes affecting other relationships and your ability to live your life as you’d want to.

Everyone reacts differently but some of the effects of domestic abuse include:

• Depression
• Fear, anxiety and panic attacks
• Loneliness or isolation
• A lack of confidence or self-esteem
• Feelings of guilt or self-blame
• Experiencing difficulties at work or in your other relationships
• Trouble sleeping

It’s important to remember that all of these reactions are normal and this is not your fault — only your abuser is to blame for their behaviour.

It’s important to note that these effects can vary in severity and duration from person to person. If you or someone you know is experiencing the effects of domestic abuse on their mental health, seeking professional help from therapists, counsellors, or mental health professionals who are experienced in trauma and abuse can provide essential support and strategies for coping and healing.

Most people will experience some difficulties in their relationships. But to know whether you’re being abused in a relationship, you should look at how the behaviour of your partner or family member makes you feel. If you feel intimidated, controlled or unable to speak out, that’s abuse.

Here are some signs you might be in a relationship and being abused — you can read more in Victim Support’s guide to recognising the signs of domestic abuse.

• Your partner criticises you and makes you doubt yourself, or doubt things happening around you. You might start believing that you’re unattractive, or lucky to have a partner at all.
• You feel anxious and stressed in your partner’s presence. You worry about how your partner might react and this makes you change your behaviour (like staying in more) to avoid arguments with them.
• You feel intimidated and scared of your partner when they get angry — their behaviour might be unpredictable or aggressive.
• You’re made to feel guilty and not given the freedom to do things you want to do.
• Your partner might control you by telling you who you can and can’t see, or emotionally blackmail you. (Your partner might make you feel like you can’t do these things even without explicitly saying so, or might make it logistically difficult.)

Physical abuse

Physical abuse (violence) can include pushing, hitting, punching, kicking, choking and using weapons.

Verbal abuse

Verbal abuse is the use of harsh or insulting language directed at a person. You might be called names or constantly put down by your partner.

Coercive and controlling behaviour

Controlling and coercive behaviour are forms of emotional abuse. They often go together, but are slightly different.

• Coercion is a pattern of behaviour designed to make someone feel intimidated, scared, humiliated or threatened.
• Controlling behaviour happens when someone sets out to make the victim subordinate or dependent on them by cutting them off from their support networks, regulating their behaviour and reducing their independence.

Examples of these behaviours include: withholding money, blackmailing, constantly criticising someone, checking up on or monitoring someone, isolating someone from friends and family, and playing mind games such as gas lighting. These behaviours make it very difficult for the person to leave the relationship.

Controlling or coercive behaviour is now a criminal offence under the Serious Crime Act 2015.

Psychological abuse

Psychological or mental abuse is when someone is subjected or exposed to a situation that can result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, depression or post-traumatic stress disorder.

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse is when you’re forced or pressured to have sex without your consent (rape), unwanted sexual activity, touching, groping or being made to watch pornography.

If you’re in a relationship and being abused, or have experienced domestic abuse in the past, there are organisations who will help you move forward with free and confidential support.

Victim Support – National Support Line 0808 1689 111 (24/7)

Women’s Aid – Find your local service here.

National Domestic Violence Helpline (for women)-  0808 2000 247

Men’s Aid Charity – Men’s Aid website

Men’s Advice Line – Call 0808 801 0327 (Monday to Friday, 9am – 5pm).  For more information visit the Men’s Advice Line website.

This leaflet has useful information, such as protecting yourself in an emergency, preparing to leave, keeping safe when you have left and what you should take with you. It also contains some useful telephone numbers:

DVAP – Where to get help

Here are some top tips to help you navigate this challenging situation:

1. Prioritise Your Safety: Your safety is paramount. If you’re in immediate danger, call emergency services (999) or your local police. If possible, keep a phone or a way to call for help nearby.
2. Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a helpline specifically dedicated to domestic abuse, such as the National Domestic Abuse Helpline at 0808 2000 247. They can provide guidance, resources, and emotional support.
3. Create a Safety Plan: Develop a plan for leaving or seeking help. Identify a safe place to go, pack essentials, important documents, and any necessary medications. Share your plan with someone you trust.
4. Gather Evidence: If you feel safe doing so, document incidents of abuse, including dates, times, and descriptions of what happened. This documentation can be useful if you decide to involve law enforcement or legal services.
5. Contact the Police: If you believe a crime has been committed or if you’re in immediate danger, contact the police. Domestic abuse is taken seriously, and they can provide protection and legal assistance.
6. Talk to a Professional: Speak with a domestic abuse support worker, counsellor, therapist, or mental health professional. They can help you process your emotions, develop coping strategies, and make informed decisions.
7. Legal Protection: If you fear for your safety, you can apply for a court order, such as a Non-Molestation Order or Occupation Order, through a family court. These orders can provide legal protection against your abuser.
8. Shelter and Accommodation: Consider seeking refuge in a safe house or shelter for survivors of domestic abuse. These facilities can provide a secure environment while you plan your next steps.
9. Financial Independence: If possible, secure your financial independence. Open a separate bank account, gather financial documents, and consider seeking advice on financial matters.
10. Educate Yourself: Learn about your rights and available resources. Organizations like Women’s Aid, Refuge, and Men’s Advice Line offer comprehensive information on domestic abuse and support services.