While the excitement had kicked in that I had got into my chosen university and I was finally beginning my path to a career I was passionate about, there were these thoughts in the back of my head that kept giving me anxiety and making me feel incredibly nervous.
I wanted to move away from home when studying at university as I wanted a sense of independence and to begin finding people I could relate to. When it came to looking at accommodation after my acceptance letter had come in, I couldn’t help but feel like I was making a mistake.
I have a really good relationship with my family, and I’m lucky enough to be especially close with my parents. They are the people I go to about everything. When I thought about moving away from them, I felt anxious I wouldn’t be able to see them every day and that I would have to do majority of things on my own. I had just gone through a pretty bad breakup which contributed to my mental health not being at its peak and I was relying on my parents a lot to keep me out of a pit I had put myself in. Moving out was at the bottom of my list of things to do and I ended up commuting to university for the first two years.
The first year of university was, in blunt terms, awful. I hated everything about it and on multiple occasions I thought about suspending my studies and taking time out. The only thing at that moment that stopped me is that I am extremely competitive (I’m the second born child), which my family knew, and they kept telling me I would be the first in my family to have studied at university and get a degree. I knew I had to do it. I decided to grin and bear it but each day was a challenge on its own, lying to my parents saying the lectures had been cancelled or going in and not having the courage to go to my labs so I sat in the library with tears in my eyes on the phone to my mum. Not knowing how to cope with how I was feeling was affecting my wellbeing every day and something needed to be done.
The second year of university was, not just me but everyone around the world at that point, incredibly different. COVID-19 began, and all students had to study online and the only human contact you had was with immediate family. Studying through a pandemic was incredibly eye-opening to how humans need interaction. My lectures and labs were brought online, and it seemed easier to attend, the only thing getting in my way this time was the lack of technology and software for my course, to which led me to repeating my second year.
This was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. Because of studying through a pandemic, it made me realise that I needed change. I began looking for accommodation for my repeated second year and without a second thought I signed onto a house. The people I was living with were welcoming and changed my life for the better. They will never understand the impact they made on my life, but I will forever be grateful for them. While there were still ups and downs throughout this period, it made university life worth it, and I began enjoying every minute of it. I began making time for myself and managing my time a bit more productively. I started socialising and making new connections almost every day and I finally began feeling myself. My relationship with my family stayed the exact same, we’re just a little more grateful about the time we spend together (I see them almost every weekend).
If I could say anything or give anyone who is studying at university any advice, it would be to create a strong support network and make sure you prioritise yourself and make sure the choices you make are benefiting you and enabling you to be the best version of yourself. Once I finally realised that my life was mine to create, it started putting things into perspective.
